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Why I lost my interest in social media?
For a long time I’d been troubled being addictive to social media, but somehow that’s been entirely the opposite and I didn’t realise it until just a few minutes ago, when I was having dinner together with my father, who was scrolling Tiktok throughout the meal, I found myself almost indifferent to those classic casual videos featuring pets and funny movements, partly because of this usual uncomfortable atmosphere I perceive being with my family. However, this instant tangible thought struck me. Indeed, the interest in short videos that was once bothering me has long gone, but why can’t I make a post about all this? Seeking a topic for a writing session is what I am doing these days, while sometimes clearly some momentary inspiration does the trick.
Life with a chain
Back when I first met with today’s well-known social media platforms like Tiktok, I was just a passive hard-working junior high school boy with limited Internet access, thanks to my parents. As far as my memory can reach, I was far from being a child who’s sociable or capable of proactively connecting with people while making new friendships. The period of time when I spent a lot more time playing and socializing with my peers was the days I stayed with my cousins, after my father quit his job as the company closed down. I went through this torture almost every semester that I requested for several exercise books mainly out of the purpose of proving my passion for studying to my parents, my father wearing a strange expression once he saw my neighbour and I playing a web game together when we were still in the factory he worked. It’s not embarrassing any more now to recall the moments when some of the kids came to my room inviting me to play outdoors when my father rejected them with such a gentle tone explaining to them I’d gotten homework to do (actually those were the exercise books), I meanwhile lowering my head, pretending to be reading the problems alone like I didn’t hear them talking. Both good and bad things happened, and that goes well with impressive moments and unpleasant memories.
Later I transferred to another school where I completed my primary and junior high school. We rented a small apartment near that school and during home time, I usually stayed alone as I knew nobody around. As an introvert, I was not brave enough to pick a guy, start a conversation and then… witness the commencement of one friendship. That was never going to happen, yeah no twists. Imagine being alone with books you’ve read multiple times. No other person, no chatting either offline or online and no motivation and courage to go outside when all this little guy got was a depressed face and dumb haircut.
Days were blanketed in darkness even more when holidays arrived. The only device that can cure me temporarily was an deserted smartphone which automatically powered off from time to time. With that device, I secretly took it out of the drawers and watched Tiktok videos. The average quality of content of that time on Tiktok was much higher and the community atmosphere was so much peaceful and inspiring than it is today, though the quantity and diversity of which are the highlights for the time being. The role Tiktok played was later swiftly given to another video platform, which has witnessed me all through high school.
It’s such a shame looking back at how much time was consumed by these digital apps. But it’s sensible to do so. I would probably have committed a suicide without such entertainment. It’s when you are under great anxiety and truly suffering from being socially isolated, an app whose content either cheers you up or drags you into an argument, which in both ways stimulates your emotion as well as rekindles the awareness of your existence and values through networking, is the thing you’re bound to get addicted to. I don’t know if that’s a bad sign, for some people may argue that process might actually be disruptive in the improvement of social ability.
Subtle transition as I grow/ it gets worse
The more I refresh the page for something new on video websites, the more I feel emptied inside. I feel touched when a couple tells how they met and fell in love; I get enraged at how evil human beings could be when treating the children and the elderly; I turn doubtful and concerned about the poor circumstances young graduates are facing when seeking for an opportunity. All of them are other’s stories, not mine. Maybe they can be served as a hint, yet why do we have to spend way too much on them? Isn’t it more beneficial to read a few pages than swipe your screen when you’ve already doing this for an hour? Wouldn’t it be more rewarding just to click into a video introducing you to Python rather than wasting your time trying to alter someone’s inveterate opinion or lifestyle? The choice is yours.
Deeper into my psychology, there’s also something that just feels not right. Seeing the lovely body contacts between a couple leaves me not merely warmth, but also sometimes a bit jealousy. Oh damn, where’s my boyfriend?? Beautiful ice views on Northern Europe and idyllic scenery captured on Swiss only get me more longing for such a trip. There is no denying that these videos may contribute to my strive for a better life, but after all, moderation is the key. It’s one of my dreams to set foot on those land and maybe dwell there.
Do I grow mature? Or is it a protection behaviour adapted by my body under this circumstances that I suffer from such disability reaching out to people and expanding my social circle?
I find myself more selective when showing up on Tiktok or Youtube or any other social media platforms you think of. Videos featuring popular science or comedy ones? Debate competition or sketching courses? Funny video clips or thirst trap videos or racy ones? It’s essential to be aware that these content any platform recommends to you should never keep you in a digital jail dressed like heaven. You should have fully control of your choices instead of giving up on them to algorithms.